Most of us understand that a healthy sex life can boost the quality of a relationship. Research shows that it can heighten our immune system, help relieve stress, and strengthen the bond with our partners. But real sex lives have challenges, unlike the stuff you see in the movies or the sexual imagery you find online.
So how do you really know when you should be concerned?
As a sex therapist, I help people on a daily basis have healthier, more mutually-satisfying, pleasure-filled sex lives. Below are just some of the reasons why people seek out my support.
1. You’re Scared To Talk To Your Partner About Your Sexual Desires/Fantasies
Being a little nervous about bringing up the topic of sex is to be expected, but if you feel frozen about how to share what turns you on or what you’d like to explore, you might benefit from working with a sex therapist. The sex therapist can help create a safe, non-judgmental environment to help each of you begin talking about sexy time.
2. One of You Rarely (If Ever) Wants to Have Sex
Although it’s common to have different levels of sexual desires if one partner is always initiating and the other partner is always avoiding sex then it may be time to begin exploring what else is going on. A sex therapist can help partners explore what physical, relational, and emotional issues may be contributing to the gap in sexual desire.
3. You’re Interested in Opening the Relationship
Perhaps you and your partner are curious about what it would be like to open up the relationship to include more partners. Sex therapy can help guide your discussion on what emotions may arise by opening the relationship, as well as navigating and setting new, more expanded boundaries.
4. You Have a Trauma History and It’s Begun to Negatively Impact Your Sex Life
If you have a history of physical, sexual, medical, emotional trauma then this can be impacting your ability to feel safe and let go during sex. Trauma is NOT in your head. Trauma rewires our nervous system often making it difficult to stay present enough during sex to experience pleasure. A sex therapist can help you untangle the trauma, so you can begin to enjoy healthier sex life.
These are just a few reasons to seek out the support of a sex therapist. Just like any other issue you may be wanting to address in therapy, take the time to interview the therapist. Call them up and request a consultation. Ask them where they received their sex therapy training? What issues do they specialize in within the sex therapy world? If dealing with trauma, are they trauma-informed/trained? Sex therapy can sound a lot more intimidating than it actually is and, in the long run, can help you have the sex life you always desired.
For more information on healthy sex & pleasure-filled relationships follow me at @elizagboquin and @flowandeasewithe on Twitter & Instagram. Texas residents can book a session at flowandeasehealing.com.
As a Licensed Psychotherapist, Relationship Therapist, Sex Therapist, Energy Healing Practitioner and Entrepreneur, Eliza Boquin, MA, LMFT works with couples & individuals to overcome past traumas, emotional pain, and destructive relationship patterns so they can begin to enjoy more healthy, satisfying, and pleasure-filled lives.
You can find her working with clients at her private practice, The Flow & Ease Healing Center in Houston, TX, hosting workshops, webinars, and at public speaking events helping people gain the skills to reach their relationship goals.
She has also been featured in Men's Health, Therapy for Black Girls Podcast, Fatherly, Bustle, ThriveWorks, Good Therapy, Stylecaster, Business Insider, Houstonia Magazine, and on Houston's Amazing 102.5 FM, and KBXX 97.9 FM - The Box. Cosmopolitan named her Instagram one of the “Instagram Accounts to Follow for the Best Relationship Advice” and Women’s Health named her Instagram Account as one of “Best Instagram Therapists To Follow For **Expert** Relationship Advice”.